The life beyond

Thinking of the life beyond 

beyond the pain and peril

beyond the fight with devil

When the cold night will end

and I will see the stunning dawn

which will bring a newness to me

I am hopeful for what lies ahead and who I will be

on the night before the Thyroidectomy Surgery

Numbness

They say the world turns upside down

How come I am just numb

Neither angry nor depressed

Thousands of different conversations within me

But no complaints and no regrets

With lots of confusion and way more clarity

I stand here just numb

They say you will come to terms gradually

But I feel ready without knowing what's coming

Contrary to past me, no resistance to what's changing

Neither distressed nor fearless
So much chaos but feeling nothing

There is no denial and this is all real

I can't change anything this is my new normal

So I just want to relish in my numbness

With all plans on hold
Maybe no plans at all

A reset and a chance to let go

To accept I am not the one in control

Knots

When you were little and said something stupid

Something that everyone laughed at

But you couldn't stop thinking about it

And it ended up giving you a little knot

When you grew up and lied

To make things easier you started to hide

To avoid confrontations you chose to stay quiet

When you could have loved and laughed but chose to fight

When for little things you cried at night

Every time it left you with a knot, dense and tight

The more you thought

More stubborn they got

But it's time you try to melt these knots

No more pain and regretful thoughts

Try to forget a bit and forgive a lot

Forgive others a bit and yourself a lot

Insignificant

When I jumped into the ocean and gazed at the world of fish

If only I could be so serene the whole time I wished

All along the hike I was thinking about my life

After seeing the grandeur of the waterfall, my pettiness I realized

When I stepped on the beach and tried to stare at the waves

The roar and the rumble of the ocean reminded me how fragile was my rage

When I looked at the night sky and tried to count the stars

I realized in the grand universe how tiny a speck I was

-- After our trip to beautiful Maui. I was so mesmerized by our snorkeling experience in Molokini, the Pipiwai trail hike to Waimoku Falls and the beautiful beaches and ocean.

Our Pivot Moment

Got a mattress from Ikea today. Really heavy. We brought it home ourselves in a U-Haul truck. The challenge was to get it home on the 3rd floor. Brought it via stairs as it wouldn't fit in the elevator. Used some techniques and lots of force. Reminded us of a Friends episode too. Succeeded finally without getting hurt although Sunny did pretend once about some sprain in his foot. 😆